Reporting for Duty

Hey Kortney,

I just got my first ever item from Grrrl. I visited the mailbox, tried on my bomb as FUCK new jacket, and read the tags pinned to it at just the right moment !

I have spent the last year doing wonderful things with my body (trail running, rock climbing, playing Division 1 rugby with a team of killer ladies in Denver, and skiing). I have also spent the last year fighting an eating disorder fueled by PTSD and a lifetime of a shitty body image. Today was especially hard,like sit-in-the-grocery-store-parking-lot-for-20-minutes-before-I-got-up-the-courage-to-go-the-fuck-inside hard.

It sounds ridiculous. It was. Walking to the mailbox, my logic was bargaining with the destructive side of my mind, trying to keep my dinner in my body. Putting on a piece of clothing that fit me perfectly was a good first step to turning the evening around. Then I read the pledge on mtge tag. There was a part that made the bitch who lives in my head (the one who is never pleased, the one who said "15 lbs gone? Now 10 more? More.") sit down and shut the fuck up for a few blessed moments. "I am having a POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD".

My worth is not tied to a meal, a number, a size. Every time I step on the rugby pitch, or run, ski, and climb, I am building my body and giving my mind the fucking break it deserves. If my mind and body are taken care of, I can take care of those around me and leave the earth better than it was before I arrived. I can't do any of those things if if I'm actively working against my body and constantly degrading myself. I read the pledge again.

Then I got up and made my lunches for the week. And you know what? I'm going to eat them too. Its just food. It's not something to control - it's fuel, plain and simple. I will put this pledge on my bathroom mirror. I will continue to move on and up. I will learn to love myself. I am going to achieve my goals. I've always known all of this, but it has been buried deep.

Thank you for what you've done with all that is Grrrl and GrrrlArmy.

Reporting for duty