Being injured and laid up and off training is causing ALL kids of feels. Ahhhhh not being able to train and release emotions in a healthy way is causing some VERY old patterns to come forth. The first pattern being quite a taboo subject, something I NEVER thought was an actual issue or was a ‘problem’… BINGE EATING.
It’s much more common than you actually think.. And I never actually thought I had a ‘problem’ because I never followed a binge up with a trip to the toilet bowl for a sneaky spew or laxative induced poo. However, the amount of people I’ve reached out to to seek guidance from revealed that they too have experienced much the same… If not worse.
A lot of my binges, I’ve noticed, have begun because I am tired…my body feels like I am craving energy.. And I can obtain it all by simple sugars for the quick hit. However, as soon as I dig into that ice cream tub, I black the fuck out and as soon as I know it, I’m putting the spoon into the sink and I’ve mindlessly just eaten an entire litre of ice cream. Well mother fucker…HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?! Literally, my brain shuts off and I’m mindlessly stuffing my face with ice cream and trying to obtain comfort from food…. Which I used to do in high school and woah daddy, did I blow out in every way!
I think it may be time to go a little deeper into maybe WHY I am doing this (bingeing)?? (Aka here is a list of some of my life problems…)
- I’m injured and upset about not being able to train and lift properly. I’m sick of being in constant niggly pain with this join sprain in my lower back.
- I HATE my job at LJ. I’m no longer passionate about what I do and I feel uncomfortable trying to sell a ‘size 8’ lifestyle to people when I’m not, myself, a size 8.
- Ironic, but, feeling like I’m not losing all the weight I want to lose, so I feel like ‘what’s the fucking point in keeping on?!’ (That makes me so embarrassed to say, because it’s so contradictory…but that’s how my brain’s working at the mo!) I think ‘why do I even bother being healthy when I’m not getting to where I wanna be?!
- I don’t have my car at the moment and I am actually really upset by the inconvenience. It’s my own fault, but food seems to comfort me- this has to STOP!
- feeling restricted by ‘dieting’…. I’m not even ON a diet… I aim to eat clean and for a while I’ve been dabbling in the IIFYM (if it fits your macros) method…. BUT…. I find myself a bit disorganised and having chocolate in the house because sometimes I can ‘fit it in’ = a disaster cos I WILL eat the whole thing. I have no stop button. If it tastes good, bitch, I am eating it all! (Thanks comfort eating pattern!) I do much prefer a rigid system what’s written out black and white for me. Ahhhhh that makes my inner anxious-self happy. Hahaha talk about OCD.
Can I just say the only GOOD thing right now is the fact that I’m really, really poor (let’s say I have $1 to my name…for real!) and I can’t afford to buy junk food haha! I would never go as far to start bingeing on things that don’t ‘comfort’ me… Forget bingeing on the rice packets and tuna i have in my cupboards at home!!
You see, I think a lot of people associate ‘binge eating’ with bulimia.. And that’s why we never really talk about it. But I’m here to break the barrier and talk about these kinds of subjects!
I purchased ‘brain over binge’ online last week and I am SUPER excited to start reading it and reading into more of the mental side of things!
Omg so depressing that THIS is my first blog post but not ashamed as this is my thechnological thoughts. Everyone should have a diary! Welcome to my world mother fuckers ❤️❤️ And enjoy the ride!