I Don't Care What She's Doing

It’s 11:35pm, and I’m sitting here in my blOfish jocks, and no shirt on. Hair looking like Kid N’ Play- trying to adjust to 2 days of jet lag before I get back on a plane and head from DC to Alabama so we can pack up our warehouse and get it over to a 3rd party over in Los Angeles. After seeing everyone rise to the occasion, and SMASH through our Indiegogo campaign goal, I seem to be kind of all out of whack. It was such an emotional 50 day period. From getting the campaign in a position to roll out (two weeks worth of solid work from dusk till dawn), to then pushing the campaign live, then needing to tweak it because we just have SO much and TOO much information to share, to then watching it dwindle out a little bit, and feeling like we weren’t going to hit our goal, to THEN seeing the grrrlarmy MAKE. SHIT. HAPPEN! It was a remarkable finish. Everyone went to battle, and holy ship did we WIN. Granted, I still had fleeting moments of “oh shit- now we have to get all these orders sorted, and programs filmed, and and and and and and’.... oh AND get the rest of GL18 finalized. and and and and and ... I digress. But you can see how easy it is for myself (and I’m sure you can relate) to only experience fleeting moments of joy. I bask in the sunlight for about 45 seconds (yes I’ve timed it), then my thoughts quickly turn to “what’s next”... it’s shocking, really. But, tonight I had a moment of clarity and joy. And it’s lasted for longer than 45 seconds. When you’re a goal driven person, the type of person who THRIVES on checking shit off a to-do list, it can easily become overwhelming to find inner peace. I’m told meditation is the answer. But I haven’t gotten there yet. It’s only been 7 years that I’ve been working on incorporating a regular practice, but hey! I’ll get there eventually. Again, this evening my mom had sent me a video of a lady named Rene Hollis, asking if she was a relative of another person we know from the town I grew up in. I had already been sent the same video by another grrrlarmy member from the town I grew up in, and funny enough I had asked her the same question. Then a week later, my ex Sister in law stopped by my parents house, and she started talking about how great this Rene person is. She has recently listened to her audiobook of her reading her journal called “girl wash your face” I believe. As she sat and spoke about her, after I had just finished talking about our documentary that’s about to roll out, I started to feel a little jaded. Having thoughts of “clearly I’m not doing enough”... “I’ve had 2 books I’ve semi finished for 4 years now. Just sitting.. “I never finish anything I start” *bullshit* *bullshit* *bullshit* Anyhow, tonight when my Mother sent me the video, I decided to visit this lady’s Facebook page. I saw she had a blue tick, and she has over 700,000 followers. Now, normally I would think “why the hell can’t I get this stupid blue tick? Like who did I piss off? I only have 110,000 followers, who are mostly men who want me to flex or speak ESL.” But, tonight I looked at the overall engagement of her posts, and just sat back and smiled. I finally felt like I didn’t need to compare myself and my work to someone else who seemed to be doing ‘better’. The engagement I witnessed yesterday with the amount of footwork by our soldiers in the grrrlarmy was enough to blast the roof off the interest as far as I’m concerned. We have a life changing documentary coming out at the end of April, and by Goddess, I JUST SPOKE TO THE FBI!!!!!!!!!!!!! My journey is just beginning. I truly feel my place is on a stage. Speaking my truth, in front of 1000’s of women, inspiring and sharing the real ness. Doing what we’re going with this road show. Doing what I just did. I don’t need a blue tick. Or 700,000 ‘likes’, or an audiobook. I’m doing epic shit every day. There is absolutely no reason to compare my journey to someone else’s, just as the same goes to any of you reading this blog. Don’t get me wrong. I’m so happy for this other woman. Like SLAY GRRRL SLAY! But my point is, I am not feeling inferior, or as if I’m not doing enough. I feel like I’m manifesting my dream. All these big visions of rebranding Kamp Konfidence into GRRRL Guides (or whatever we call it) so our GA members can give back directly and be of service, all of these BIG visions will come to pass. I simply need to be patient, trust that I am EXACTLY where I’m meant to be on my journey, and remember GoalsNotControls. GL18 will be perfect so as long as I keep asking for guidance on a daily basis, show up, and do the next right thing. (And of course show up clean and sober lol. (That ALWAYS helps.) Goals don’t happen overnight. As you’ll learn in the Self Love Success Academy- there are short term and long term goals. Today I went to meet with a staff member from Diane FeinStein’s office to discuss these bigger goals. Nothing tangible happened, but you have to start somewhere. This leads to that, leads to this, and back around. As you all repeated after me, “I believe”. So. Much. Love. Feeling content, accomplished, unafraid, and unstoppable with the GA charging forward. MFCEO

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