Harsh Realisation

Oh my GOD! I wish you could see me typing this blog right now.  I’m literally on all 4’s with my ass up in the air.  I have the WORST stomach pains at the moment, and cannot for the life of me figure out why.  OK- so now that I’ve set the scene up for ya, let me explain the “harsh realisation”… As most of you know, I’m 34.  I can hardly be bothered putting on makeup but maybe, once… possibly, twice a year.  In fact, just last month I sold my entire makeup collection that I’ve been adding to since early 2000’s.  I had close to 40 mac eye shadows!  Most of them used maybe 3-4 times.  This wasn’t because I had a shopping problem by the way-  I’d usually get my makeup done at a mac counter before a photoshoot.  When doing so, you have to buy a certain amount of product.  Anyway…. Earlier this morning I was putting on makeup to get ready for a product shoot for GRRRL Clothing.  In case you’ve been under a rock for the past 6 months, I’m the MFCEO-  and I decided that we weren’t using any goddamn photoshop on our models.  ZERO! As I was brushing something on my face (can’t remember if it was eye shadow or foundation), it suddenly dawned on me that I looked fucking old today!  Since I hardly look in the mirror at my face (I usually only look at my body and what muscles are visible!), I was surprised to feel this way about myself.  Then after a few seconds, it dawned on me that I could recall feeling this way about myself since I was in my early 20’s!!!!!  I remembered back at a handful of times where I distinctly felt like my face was no longer this beautiful pallet (hope I spelled that shit right, and didn’t spell ‘pallet’ like a pallet of hay! hahahahaha!) of one colour.  I’d see broken blood vessels on my cheeks from smashing my face into the mats doing BJJ.  Or other times I’d notice brown spots from the sun and birth control.  Or feeling like I had ‘crows feet’ around my eyes. But today, I could see heaps of different marks on my face, and thought, “fuck! I thought this shit was bad 10 years ago!  I can’t believe it!”.  Then I had the harsh realisation that it is so disheartening to think that such a young person could think they weren’t enough.  That she was ‘too old’ ‘too wrinkled’ ‘too spotty’, too whatever…… To be frank, I didn’t really give a rats ass that I looked old today.  I had to question if that was because I’ve found my soul mate.  I’m married to a man who wakes up after 5 years, and will still get tears in his eyes over “my breathtaking beauty” (yeah then that shit goes out the window as soon as I smile and rip ass! hahahahahaha!!!!! )((this is why you can NEVER compare your life to someone else’s on social media!  might look amazing from the outside looking in, but you can’t smell anything in cyber space, can ya?!)) Then I had a little wonder about all the other women out there who haven’t found a partner who happens to be their best friend, and lover- and who shows unconditional love each and every day of their life towards the other.  I had to wonder how she copes with these feelings of “getting old”. It’s just amazing to me how programmed and conditioned we all are as human beings.  Well, most of us in western, first world societies I suppose. This is why we created GRRRL.  This movement was created to celebrate the fact that ALL females are beautiful regardless of size and looks.  There is nothing “perfectly imperfect” about fucking any of us.  It’s called “real life”- and not these false, air-brushed, fake ass images we’ve been brainwashed with since conception.  If women weren’t so busy worrying about how they looked, we’d be busy bonding and not seeing each other as competition.  Then we could get on with improving the state of the planet- If people truly understood how much power all forms of media and advertising had on the subconscious mind, I believe we’d have a much more liberated world. Everybody is waiting for somebody else to go first.  And going first can be difficult sometimes.  Seeing yourself and putting yourself out there, as you are- can be risky.  But you know what?  I’d rather be a risk taker than a drone amongst a pack of drones, following a crowd of drones. #ILOVEMYHAIRYTOES This, was a shit blog.  As soon as I get over to my new country next week and settled, (oh wait)… I get settled then head back to Merica!  Ok, as soon as I get moved, take my trip over to Merica, THEN get back and get settled, I assure you I’ll have my blog roll back in full force. <3 The post Harsh Realisation appeared first on Kortney Olson >> Konfidence By Kortney.