So what are my Afterthoughts And Aftermath Of Competing?
Well, pull up a piece of carpet and I’ll tell ya….
You may recall from one of my last blogs on the topic, that I was deemed “too big” for the IFBB Physique category. I had a little rant about it there. I also had a little rant about competing a month or so prior as well, and had decided that competing was a ‘good thing’ after weighing up the pros and cons. But- history would prove that I’ve gone and done it again: I’ve changed my mind. FULL STOP.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’d know that I’d decided to try my hand at the “physique” category in the IFBB federation. Back when I started competing in 2009, that category wasn’t a thing. However, toward my last show, it started to emerge. But it was too late for me at that point. I’d already had enough with body building, since I couldn’t compete with the non-tested girls, and I found the tested federations were ran like a bunch of ass clowns.
Anyway- I dieted and trained with 110% intensity and commitment for 8 months. Then, November 28th, competed in Australia’s first ‘olympia’ and was shocked to discover that I was “too muscular”. November 30th, I stepped on a plane, and flew back home to California to organise and execute the launch of our newly released clothing line, www.grrrl.com alongside our epic sponsored athlete, Holly Holm (yeah…. pretty unreal. Have a listen to an interview here http://smallbusinessbigmarketing.com/holly-holm-sponsorship/ ). Once touching down in Los Angeles, we basically got wind that operations in the US were not going so well. In fact, they weren’t going AT ALL. It’s a long story, but needless to say, when you’ve been trading for nearly 2 weeks and a single item hadn’t been shipped, it’s not really a time of optimism.
All I can say is, I will forever have my family’s back.
OK- so from December 1-11th, was one of the most stressful times of my life. Add in the holiday’s, traveling with working from 7am – 1am in the morning, consecutive days in a row, and not training, I picked up a new habit of eating, and eating whatever I damn well pleased. Usually, it takes me 4 days to start a new habit. So by time we landed back in Australia December 13th, I was well and true into my “new habit”.
For the first time in my life, I truly lived the silly season. Because I’d dieted so hard, and for so long, I ate pretty much every food I’ve denied myself since I was 15. Then again, it wasn’t like I denied myself, I just didn’t have an interest in shit food because I never ate it. Therefor never craved it, never missed it.
So on top of slowly putting weight back on (and wouldn’t you know, I gave away a ton of clothes that I’d “never wear again” because I felt like I’d be 10 kilos lighter for the rest of my life), and not having much motivation to train anymore, I also didn’t take into account that I’d abruptly stopped taking oestrogen blockers the day after my show. #notsmart I’d done a fair bit of research, and knew that it was best to tapper off of the stuff, but didn’t really have a choice in seeing that I was traveling internationally the day after my show.
This was also the first time I’d taken them, and have had no previous experience in the rebound from it. I read about it from several sources, that no matter what, all women rebound hard from taking them, but that didn’t really sink in. So here I was at the end of January, at the heaviest I’ve ever been, and wanting to blow my head off.
Females in particular, are brought up in a society (in western culture) where our worth is determined by the shape of our body. If we don’t immolate what is presented in mainstream media and advertising, we grow up thinking something is wrong with us. If we don’t conform to society’s standard of ‘what the fuck’ beauty is, we’re “weird”, “gross” or “need help”. Think back to when civilised society started taking shape… it was seen as a sign of wealth and prosperity if you were overweight. It was sought after in women…. (this blog isn’t about that- I digress…)
Psychologically speaking, competing is a mental mind fuck. But come to find out, the aftermath is WAY more of a mind fuck that the actual preparation. It’s funny, because previously in my experience, I never had “post blues” because I wasn’t taking anything, and wasn’t so militant with my food (hence why I never “won” lol!). I’ve always had great mass in my legs (duh), but never really focused as much as I had for this last round of shows.
But now that I’ve gone through the ‘post blues’, I’d have to say competing is DEF something you need to have a coach for to take you out the other side. If you plan on competing, do NOT go all the way through with a show, then stop working with your coach. Your “de-prep” is just as important as your prep, maybe even more important.
Personally, I’m finally able to close the door on it. I always toyed around with the idea of physique, did it- and can now say “fuck that shit!”. I belong on a mat or a table, where things are black and white. I dislike being judged by someone who looks like they haven’t stepped foot in the gym themselves in years, and happen to be coaching and/or fucking my competitors.
Oh, and I might end on I’m still craving brown rice. All day, every day. Like I want to bathe in it.